Five Years In: What I Thought It Would Be vs. What It Actually Is

Five years ago, I quit my full-time job with no real plan except "let's try this and see what happens."

COVID lockdown changed everything for everyone. But for me, it changed not in the way it did for most people. For the first time in years, I was actually home. I wasn't spending 11-12 hours a day commuting and working in an office. I was having dinner with my family. I was there when my kid needed me and when he didn’t. I wasn't exhausted and angry all the time; crazy from constantly rushing and trying to get the next thing done.

Then, the time came when they started calling us back to the office a few days a week, and all that stress and depression I didn't even know I had came rushing back. My family noticed immediately. One night my husband pulled me aside and said, "You really suck right now." And he was right. I was always angry, always stressed, never fun to be around. We had a real conversation about what would actually make me happy, and he suggested working for myself from home.

Never in a million years did I think I'd actually do it. Running my own business seemed like a pipe dream - something that would be amazing but not attainable for someone like me. But I kept thinking: even if it doesn't work out, at least I tried. At least I wouldn't spend the rest of my life wondering "what if?"

So I made the leap. I tendered my resignation that same week.

I was terrified. Afraid of failing. Afraid of the unknown. Afraid I wasn't good enough to sustain this kind of venture. But I also had this vision in my head of what could be: flexible schedules, working in coffee shops, designing on my terms. That part felt exciting enough to push through the fear.

Here's what I didn't expect: how fulfilling it would be. How easy it's been to maintain clients and get new ones **knock on wood**. How much I genuinely love what I do now.

The stress is still there, but it's different somehow. The work is more personal now. I care about projects and clients in a way I never could when I was working for someone else. That connection, that ownership of every project, shifted everything.

Somewhere along the way, CMB Image + Design stopped fitting. I didn’t feel a connection to saying the name out loud or directing people to the website. It just didn't feel like me anymore. It wasn't meaningful to me beyond being my initials.

The business had grown. I had grown. My confidence had grown. I needed something I was proud to show off.

So I transitioned to Tandem Creative Works.

The rebrand wasn't just a new name and logo. It was a complete shift in how I saw myself and my work. CMB was safe, just my initials, nothing to live up to. Tandem meant something. It meant committing to a way of working that I'd already been doing but hadn't fully owned yet: collaboration, partnership, working side by side with clients instead of just taking orders.

It was scary to put that stake in the ground. But it was also the most confident thing I'd done since starting the business. I wasn't hiding behind initials anymore. I was saying this is who I am and how I work.

Looking back now, I think I started this business pretty strong. But I've gotten even better. My confidence has grown in ways I didn't expect, not because I stopped doubting myself, but because I kept going anyway.

I'm terrible at looking ahead. I don't have a five-year plan or big ambitious goals mapped out. I trust my path and that it is leading me in the right direction. I'm excited to see where it leads. I'm leaving myself open to new opportunities and experiences, and honestly? That feels more right than having everything figured out.

Five years ago, I took a leap because staying where I was felt worse than the risk of failing. That's still true. Every day I choose this, even on the hard days.

If you're sitting there right now wondering "what if?" I can't tell you it'll be easy or that you'll immediately feel confident that you made the right decision or that you won't doubt yourself constantly. But I can tell you it's possible. And sometimes that's enough.

Thank you to everyone who's been part of this journey - the clients who took a chance on me, the friends who cheered me on, the family who put up with me figuring this out in real time.

Here's to five more years of growth, collaboration, and work I'm proud of.