Why Me? Thoughts on Feeling Like a Fraud

May 28

Have you ever had all the skills and experience for something but still thought "there's no way I'm ready for this"? Or made a smart business decision, then immediately second-guessed yourself because surely you're missing something important?

I know I'm not alone in this. We all have that voice that says we're not qualified enough, that surely they'll figure out we don't know what we're doing. But we don't really talk about it, do we? We just assume everyone else has it figured out.

So I asked my friend and brand & business transformation leader, Nicolette Stouser-Bassett to have a conversation with me about it. Because maybe if we actually talk about these thoughts out loud, we'll all feel a little less alone in having them.

Nicolette asked the hard questions while I tried to be honest about what imposter syndrome really feels like 😅.

Could you tell me a little bit about your background? Who are you Where are you from? What do you do?

This is always one of the hardest questions to answer, and it's the one that comes up all of the time. I'm a wife, mom, designer, all the things—but it always feels weird to answer that. Like I have to have something clever, or witty, or more intriguing to say. Aren’t I more than just those labels?
I grew up in a suburb just outside of St. Louis, MO and moved to Chicago in 1997 for college. I went to Columbia College Chicago for fashion design where I ended up taking a CAD pattern making class. My teacher liked me a lot, liked how I worked and they recommended me for a job running a furniture manufacturer’s CAD pattern making software that they needed someone to manage it.
I was able to work that job part time while I finished school. I became so good at it that it turned into a product development manager position where I was in charge of the sampling process - creating new products, patterns for production, costing, and rolling the pieces out.
With the hopes of starting a fashion career, I left that job to pursue another, managing samples for a handbag company. Unfortunately, that didn’t pan out the way I had hoped. One day when I was visiting my old co-workers, my previous boss asked what I was doing and wanted to see if I would run their new B2C website.
I knew nothing about websites, but you know, he knew my work ethic and how I'm the kind of person that will figure anything out. And I did. I learned the very, very basics of web design and management. I needed photos for the site and being impatient, I hated waiting for the current graphic designer to get the photos I needed for me. So I grabbed the camera, figured out how to use it and set up the lighting, and started taking my own photography for this website.
They ended up liking what I did so much that they started asking me to do jobs that the graphic designer was supposed to do. I ended up out performing the current designer, and so eventually I took on that role. The company sent me to a business school to learn the basics of the Adobe Suite—and the rest is history. I was their in-house graphic designer and photographer for like 12 plus years, learning as I went and that brought me to where I am today.

Wow! I think you're touching on two really interesting things that you have this incredible work ethic—which I know to be true 'cause I've known you for years—and also your way of working. Sometimes when you have a non-linear career path, your work ethic and your way of working can land you in situations you might not have seen yourself in, right?

In your case, you work really hard and are incredibly lovely and pleasant to work with, so when they needed to fill a void, you were able to fill it. You're great at problem solving, and figuring out what needs to be done.

Were you surprised when they were said, “You’re now our new graphic designer and we are going to pay to train you on the things that you don't know”? Were you surprised that these other qualities trumped the hard skills you may have needed to even apply for that job if you’d just seen it online or in a posting?

Oh, absolutely! I for sure would not have even applied for a web site or a graphic design job. Even now, things will pop up in my LinkedIn like, “We think this job will be good for you” and I probably have every listed experience and prerequisite that they need and I would never apply to it 'cause like: “There's no way they would pick me. No way.” Plus, applying to a job posting, they don't know you at all. And most of the time it's an AI bot reading your resume, so they really don't know anything about you.

What does imposter syndrome mean to you specifically?

That I never feel like I am good enough. This comes up with every project that I do. I've had a few clients reach out recently that want to talk about working together. And I'm wondering: Why me? How did you find little ol’ me? Why do you think I would be a good fit?
Recently, the Illinois Park District Association, reached out asking me to be a judge in their agency showcase where all of the park districts across Illinois show their print marketing materials, websites, etc. I thought, what do you mean? Me?? I still can't believe that they asked me to do this, but I just never feel good enough or up to the task. Put me in a room with other people probably exactly like me, and I will never think I'm as good as the other people there ever.

Even if other people see you that way and have told you as much. It's important to be having this conversation then.

Definitely

Because other people probably feel the same, right? Other people probably feel the same in a room with you thinking, Cheryl's doing all these amazing things.

I wonder—what would you do differently if you knew everyone else was faking confidence too?

I don't know that I would do anything different. They probably are all faking confidence too already, you know? 😂 I feel like my imposter syndrome is totally self-inflicted, you know? I mean, it’s a dialogue that I have in my head that I don't know how to get rid of or stop having.

I would argue that in your work with the Chicago Graphic Design Club, you have a lot of power to decide and design what conversations in Chicago include through the programming you're leading and what you think is interesting.

I will share personally: one of the most fun things that I did last year was go on the grave rubbing field trip. That was so fun! I had such a great time and it made me think about type through the last 150 years differently. It was just incredible. And that was your idea, you know? It was a really immersive and fun way to engage with design that I never would've thought of, but was incredibly memorable and fun and interesting. So it makes me wonder who gets to decide what is good enough? And what is the threshold of “good”.

Yeah, you're absolutely right! I love that you said all of that. Thank you.

Yeah, it was so, so fun. I had such a great time. It was such a thrill.

Alright, let’s talk about the business side of things. How did you transition from being in-house to having your own practice? How did you learn how to price a project? How do you price differently if you're not super confident in what you're offering?

I have some great books that I refer to. My favorite is the Graphic Artist’s Guild Handbook of Pricing and Ethical Guidelines. They put it out periodically, if not annually. I have the 16th edition and it's been really helpful in kind of describing all of the elements that goes into your pricing.

I have watched so many webinars of people offering their pricing guidelines and I've just kind of taken all of that and morphed it into my own strategy. I try to take the things I've learned and come up with a price for a project; then I freak out and think, “Oh my God, no one's ever gonna pay me that.” And then I pare it down. That's usually what I do. And if it's a friend, it's like even worse! I'm like, “Oh, I just really wanna see you do well and, and help you out. So no, you don't have to pay me.” But you can't work like that. 😅

Have you had any learning moments around that?

A lot of times I'll send a proposal someone and they'll be like, “Oh, wow, I thought it was gonna be a lot more” and then I kick myself because it should have been. I just really wanted to work with them and didn't want them to say no.

You recently rebranded from CMB Image + Design to Tandem Creative Works. At this moment of transition, what were you nervous that people might think or say about the shift?

Gosh, I remember being really nervous when I first announced it and I was super excited about it, super confident, but at the same time, I didn't want to tell anyone—but I'm not actually sure why that was. Obviously nothing bad was going to happen and everything turned out great. I'm not sure why, but I was definitely nervous and protective.

And now on the other side of the transition, did you have anything to be nervous about?

Not at all. When I posted about it, I got so much great feedback. Things like, “I'm so excited for this!” “This is so perfect!” People shared that it all made sense and that it all came together. I think my intention behind the rebrand really shows.

With this new identity, has it been easier for clients to understand your value proposition and what you bring to the table?

Absolutely. I mean, at least I think it does. And not just that! It helps me with the language that I use. It helps me in the things that I put forth and do. That's the part of the work that I like so much—and I get even more excited about it now because I have identified my purpose. I get excited talking about my business now because I'm working with people that I like. And I want to make something cool with them. On the whole, I think it's helped me take myself more seriously.

Wrapping up, do you have any closing words for someone struggling with imposter syndrome?

For sure! At the beginning of the year, I was feeling really bleh, right? Not in the mood to do anything; not motivated. I just wanted something to happen. So I decided to take five minutes at the end of my workday and write down all the things I did that day, the things I was super proud of that I finished. Even if it was just doing the project sitting in the corner that I haven't done in forever, you know? I did that for a week and my motivation got better. I became more proud of myself. Like, “See? You really did accomplish a lot of things today. You deserve to sit and watch two hours of TV” or not that you deserve to but you did earned it. That small practice of taking stock of your wins—however small—might help to increase your confidence in yourself. To take a minute to go back over what you have accomplished and to be proud of it. Even the little things.
So often, I finish one project and feel pressure to move onto the next. And so on and on. Sometimes we get so focused on the next thing, that we never sit with the cool thing we made and feel pride in it. I've started doing that and I think that's something that could really help other people too. It's so simple and it's a good way to put closure to your day.

I love that. I think that is such great advice. Really nice. Thanks Cheryl!

Whew! That conversation was difficult for me to listen to and read again. Does any of this sound familiar to you? The LinkedIn jobs you don't apply for, the pricing panic, the maybe now isn't the right time, the "why me?" moments - know that you're not alone in feeling this way. Imposter syndrome might be that dialogue we can't quite turn off, but as Nicolette helped me realize, we get to decide what "good enough" means. And maybe good enough is just showing up, doing the work, and writing down what we accomplished at the end of the day. It doesn't hurt to surround yourself with great, supportive friends and peers to tell you you're wrong too!

Thank you Nicolette!! 🤍

Did any of this resonate with you? Have you had your own "why me?" moments? Or maybe you've discovered something that helps when that imposter voice gets too loud? Share your story below - because honestly, the more we talk about this stuff out loud, the less power it seems to have over us. 💪

Nicolette Stosur-Bassett is a brand & business transformation leader who helps organizations clarify their direction and enable growth. But what you just witnessed is her real superpower: asking the questions that make you think differently about yourself and your work. She has this gift for seeing potential in people and ideas, then helping them see it too. You can learn more about her work at nicolette-works.com.

Cheryl Bever http://tandemcreativeworks.com